17 years ago, Denton and I packed up our lives in Johannesburg and moved to London.  I’ll never forget a very helpful bit of advice we were given before leaving…’remember, you don’t have an identity over there.’  At the time I remember thinking oh it can’t be that bad but don’t think I fully understood what this statement really meant.

And now…we’ve done it again!  Today I find myself in a similar situation, having recently relocated to Hilton from Johannesburg.  And I started to recognize a similar feeling all over again to the one I experienced moving to London, but this time I knew what it was. It’s about my identity.  It’s knowing that when I walk through a shopping centre here no one will recognize me; it’s about not ‘bumping’ into people; not having a ‘history’ and shared experiences with people around me; not having a familiarity of how things work & where places are…not being part of a ‘tribe’ and not having that feeling of belonging, the feeling we often take for granted.

It’s about a little feeling of loneliness that creeps in and then I’m wishing that I was back in Jo’burg where things were so much easier because I felt like I belonged, where my support network was all around me, everything was familiar.  BUT I’m reminded that to be able to move forward I need to start by acknowledging the loss of what I’ve left behind and then gently start moving forward by taking steps to replicate, NOT replace or isolate.  Some days I simply don’t feel up to trying…& that’s when I heap a huge amount of grace on myself because it’s hard.  Moving is stressful, full stop. By the time we left London in 2011 we had made THE most wonderful lifelong friends, having shared experiences, life and raising our children together. But it wasn’t all plain sailing at all…it took time.

A big thing I’ve realized is not basing my identity on others and needing others to fulfill my identity but that establishing connections takes time and connections can begin with the smallest friendliest conversations with a shop teller…it’s always trying to find little ways of connecting.  It has taken effort to put myself out there again and again and finding little moments for opportunities to connect every day.  BUT slowly but surely the connections have stuck, 9 months later and a real sense of familiarity and belonging is growing.  I’ve found my new favourite coffee spots, joined a wonderful forest fitness group, a new bible study and am enjoying getting to know parents on the side of the field while watching my boys play their sport.  All these activities allow for moments of connection.  Again, it’s not that I’ve replaced anything that I’ve left behind but it’s about embracing and replicating what makes me tick in a new environment.  Slowly but surely the friendships have formed and it’s starting to feel a whole lot like home…although I’m not quite ready to change my GP number plate just yet 

If you have moved somewhere new, wherever you may find yourself in the world, I hope this brings some encouragement and courage as you settle into your new home, acknowledging what you’ve left behind which is HARD, I know (finding little moments of beauty and joy each day – even when you don’t feel up to it; walking; tea; gardening & journaling are a few helpful ways to journey through this…) and then allowing yourself time to start finding moments of connection and joy in new experiences in your new environment…as we like to say – same same but different.