Reflection: Will I ever feel ready?

Reflection: Will I ever feel ready?

Two and a bit weeks into lockdown and I’ve finally come up for some air to take some time to think about CareBox and what things are going to look like after lockdown for me and for CareBox.  I remember writing these words when CareBox was still but a dream…

Care takes time.  It’s not always easy.  It’s about being.  It’s about being with someone.  It’s about being part of their journey and letting them know that you’re there for them.  It’s about courage and hope.  It’s about doing care.  It’s about having that un-rushed cup of tea (or 3) or taking a gentle walk together.   The heart of CareBox is about doing life together; it’s about being able to be real and vulnerable without judgment or expectations. One of my favourite parts of CareBox is being able to journal because I get to share stuff with you that’s come from a place of my own real experience of receiving care that has allowed me to heal and for that I’ll always be incredibly grateful.  It’s about allowing my mess to be my message…I believe we all go through stuff and by doing this we are then able to help others going through similar things.

When I wrote this statement our world was in full swing and the one thing we didn’t have readily available in our busy schedules was time.  But as I sit here wondering how I’m going to fill my next hour I realise what an interesting place I find myself in with CareBox.  Suddenly we all have quite a lot of time on our hands…I’m not sure about you but I seem to have mostly used it to fiddle around the house and garden a million times, drink copious amounts of tea, very unsuccessfully tried to home school my almost 10 year old and keep up with my teenage son who’s just in his own (loud) world most of the time.

I miss making my boxes and filling them with beautiful goodies.  I miss writing the personal notes included in a box.  I miss not going into the office and chatting to others.  As much as I miss all of this I have to be honest with myself and wonder if I would have been ready for lockdown to end on the original date…Honestly I don’t think I would’ve felt ready.  I

If I’m honest with myself, would I have been ready to come out of lockdown on the original date…I don’t think so.  I remember when we first started lockdown it was all very uncertain and unknown and I wanted it to be over as soon as possible.  Now I realise for me it’s going to take some getting used to as we navigate our new norm whatever that may look like…

Getting back to my original thought…we now all have a whole lot of time but we’re unable to reach out physically to show care in a way we’ve always been able to.  It’s the personal touch.  The gentleness.  The physical presence. My questions include:  when will I be able to deliver a CareBox to someone again?  Chatting to my aunt earlier she said something quite profound that we’ve become scared of encountering other people at the moment.  Denton’s experience when he has popped out to get some groceries is that while he’s in an aisle and someone turns to come down the same aisle they take one look at him and literally back pedal out of there and go down the next aisle.  Hmmmm…there’s a deep set fear and this is going to take some time to change.  I’m in my safe bubble at the moment…but so many people aren’t in a safe bubble and risk it all so that I can stay in my safe bubble.  Thank you.  But it’s going to change when we have to start coming out of our bubbles and how we’re going to choose to interact with people and do our day to day life.  This really is a moment in time none of us will ever forget and we will each have our own lockdown story to tell.  Will our story be driven by fear or by love?

To be continued…



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